She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
