i was rollin on her like bob the builder
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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