Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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