I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
