whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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