Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
