Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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