check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
