I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
