Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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