It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
