singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
