You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
