just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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