just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
