I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
