she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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