Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
