He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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