Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
