Four minutes until I can fart!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
