well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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