Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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