Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
