We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boobs speak an international language.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
