Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
