I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
