he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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