even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
