I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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