atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
