I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
