I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
