Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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