You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
