I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
