Dual....:-)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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