Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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