it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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