Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
