So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
