no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Vodka?
Forever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
