bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
