I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
pray to the hookup gods
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
