it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
