she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
