I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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