me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
