So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
