I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
