I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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