My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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