Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
